In My Lifetime

My day never goes as expected. Which may be just as well. My life hasn’t either.

This morning, I discovered a dead chick in the brooder house and realized that because of the abundant rain, swampy muck, a seriously confused bumblebee, and a terrible smell, the surviving chicks needed to be moved to a fresh pen. And I was just the person to do the job. Oh, joy.

Did they appreciate my hard work and kindness as I carried them out of a messy situation to a clean, warm, safe new home? No, they squawked like I was an ax-wielding maniac. I tried to explain that I was harmless, but they fluttered and flapped like there was no tomorrow. Of course, being about twenty times their size, swooping down upon them like something from horror flick…and when I think about their future…I guess I can understand their anxiety.

Once that job was done, I washed up and made zucchini bread, potato salad, and deviled eggs for Saturday’s piano recital. Several of my kids will be playing, and there will be “fellowship” afterward. As far as my kids are concerned, this might as well be revolutionary France and the guillotine awaits. Well, maybe not quite that bad. But close. When I remember my youth and having to perform in public…I get it.

After cleaning the bathroom—hey, it needed to be done—a couple loads of laundry, a quick shower and a change of clothes, (whaddya expect after my morning?) I ate lunch with the younger kids. Next, I decided to check out my connections on an online dating site.

Surreal.

I just gotta say that if anybody thinks that men feel heartbreak and anxiety any less than women, they haven’t spent quality time reading through dating site profiles. Gosh, golly. Naked heartfelt vulnerability abounds. Yeah. I get it.

Of course, I did chuckle at one message, “Must love golf.” Ooookaaaay. And another gentleman simply wrote, “Hi” with twelve exclamation points. I think it was twelve. I lost count after ten. I lost interest after two. Then there was the Google translator message, “After my parents’ demise…” Demise, eh?

I’ve only dated one person after my husband’s death, and that relationship succumbed to the reality of different life visions. No one’s fault. But painful never the less. Being an unrepentant optimist, I have focused on what is good in my world, grateful that I actually have a life, kids, a beautiful home, critters that may drive me mad but also make me laugh.

In a world dominated by technology, online dating seems to be the fastest and most efficient means of finding a future spouse. Our grandparents would probably choke on the very idea. But there is no going back. It’s like when cell phones came in and all the old telephone booths were pulled off walls and taken from street corners. Now you better have a cell phone or you’ll die on the roadside waiting for help.

This is not the view I expected in my lifetime. Raising a large, beautiful family in the countryside as a single parent, cleaning brooder houses on a rainy spring morning, checking out messages on an online dating site, writing a weekly blog for a world audience. But this is my life. And unlike the chicks, I am grateful. I’m not flapping my wings anyway.

As J. R. R. Tolkien said…

“The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.”

Novels by A. K. Frailey

Science Fiction

Last of Her Kind  http://amzn.to/2y1HJvg

Newearth: Justine Awakens http://amzn.to/2pq0vWN

Historical Fiction

Melchior—Vengeance Is Mine http://amzn.to/2taeW2r

Historical Fiction & Science Fiction Blend

OldEarth ARAM Encounter  https://amzn.to/2KLhlsN

OldEarth Ishtar Encounter https://amzn.to/2OAkDQF

OldEarth Neb Encounter (In production)

OldEarth Georgios Encounter (In production)

Children’s Book

The Adventures of Tally-Ho http://amzn.to/2sLfcI5

Inspirational Non-Fiction

The Road Goes Ever On—A Christian Journey Through The Lord of the Rings http://amzn.to/2lWBd00

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Ironic Twist of Fate

In an ironic twist of fate, short-term memory loss has advantages. For example, it’s great for my daily workout. I run downstairs on a specific errand…get sidetracked, drop the laundry into the dryer, sweep up a mess, and climb all the way to the top step, before I realize that I really came down to get some frozen pumpkin to make a pie.

Short-term memory loss may also be one of the reasons mothers can enter into a third pregnancy as if they had never suffered morning sickness in their lives. Or why an otherwise perfectly sane person adopts a second puppy.

There are a lot of ways of peering at reality. Not that objective reality changes. Nooo. That’s silly. Two plus two still adds up to four. Unless you want to throw in variables…or play socio-political mind games. But that’s another story.

Still, I like to tell my kids that, as fate would have it, their weaknesses can, if utilized properly, become their greatest strength. Stubbornness heated in the fire of charity can be forged into loyalty. Unregulated passion can be shaped and molded into charity. Intellectual challenges can inform our human empathy. Physical imperfections can free us from societal-conformist chains.

When my daughter sliced her finger while making her very first batch of potato soup today, I kicked myself for not watching her more closely. But then I remembered that I learned to make potato soup pretty much the same way. The irony of injury is that we learn to be more careful, and potato soup eventually gets made without any unsavory ingredients.

My life appears to be stuffed with irony. The more I empty myself of selfish preoccupation, the more God widens the breadth and depth of my human journey. As I settle into the frozen stillness of winter, the more snugly the seeds of spring embed in my soul.

My memory loss doesn’t seem to reach back to childhood, though. If anything, I can recall images and sensations more vividly as I grow older than ever before. Perhaps because in my mad rush to get pumpkin for pies and load washers and clean up messes, a part of me understands that every bit of this journey will become a memory. And as ironic reality would have…I might enjoy the moment more…then.

Novels by A. K. Frailey

Science Fiction

Last of Her Kind  http://amzn.to/2y1HJvg

Newearth: Justine Awakens http://amzn.to/2pq0vWN

Historical Fiction

Melchior—Vengeance Is Mine http://amzn.to/2taeW2r

Historical Fiction & Science Fiction Blend

OldEarth ARAM Encounter https://amzn.to/2KLhlsN

OldEarth Ishtar Encounter https://amzn.to/2OAkDQF

OldEarth Neb Encounter (In production)

OldEarth Georgios Encounter (In production)

Children’s Book

The Adventures of Tally-Ho http://amzn.to/2sLfcI5

Inspirational Non-Fiction

The Road Goes Ever On—A Christian Journey Through The Lord of the Rings http://amzn.to/2lWBd00

Winter Irony

Barren branches against a pregnant sky,

Rustling leaves only sigh.

 

Soft flakes fall upon a hard ground,

In multitudes—without a sound.

 

Frozen blanket of icy snow,

Warm the burrows of those below.

 

Chilled bones hinder the will,

Yet glories roam the landscape still.

 

Ponder beauty from above,

As echoes mirror ancient love.

 

Unwelcoming winter may be,

Bringing joy, our eyes to see.

 

Ironic season of buried dreams,

Awakens our souls to hope unseen.

 

Novels by A. K. Frailey

Science Fiction

Last of Her Kind  http://amzn.to/2y1HJvg

Newearth: Justine Awakens http://amzn.to/2pq0vWN

Historical Fiction

Melchior—Vengeance Is Mine http://amzn.to/2taeW2r

Historical Fiction & Science Fiction Blend

OldEarth ARAM Encounter https://amzn.to/2KLhlsN

OldEarth Ishtar Encounter https://amzn.to/2OAkDQF

OldEarth Neb Encounter (In production)

OldEarth Georgios Encounter (In production)

Children’s Book

The Adventures of Tally-Ho http://amzn.to/2sLfcI5

Inspirational Non-Fiction

The Road Goes Ever On—A Christian Journey Through The Lord of the Rings http://amzn.to/2lWBd00