You’re Not God
Ishtar entered Jonas’ dwelling and peered through the slanting rays of golden light. His attention wandered from a half-eaten meal of barley bread with roasted fish to a sharp carving knife resting on a piece of wood. No wood shavings littered the floor.
Tobia slept curled up on his pallet, his chest barely stirring, though his bruised face still showed the marks of recent events. The bandages wrapped around his hand and arm told the tale of wounds he took in the battle.
Jonas tiptoed up to Ishtar and lifted a finger to her lips.
With a nod of understanding, Ishtar backed over the threshold.
Jonas followed.
Strolling to the shady side of the house, Ishtar perched on the bench. “Where’s Obed?”
Flicking a glance to the distant hills, Jonas wrinkled her brow. “He’s helping a shepherd who can’t keep track of his sheep.”
Amusement coursed through Ishtar as he remembered his own flock on the other side of the distant mountains. “Sheep are not always as compliant as one might think. There are some…” His gaze drifted away.
Jonas drummed her fingers on the stout framework of the house. “Something is upsetting Tobia.” She jutted her chin toward the hills. “Anxiety weighs him down.”
“Even when we live beyond a trial, the horror still clings to us.”
Squinting, Jonas shaded her eyes from the bright sun. “But you defeated your enemy when you killed your father and again when you killed Chai.” She bit her lip. “Tobia suffers from an enemy he can’t defeat.”
Irritation flushed through Ishtar. “I didn’t defeat my father or Chai. They succumbed to the evil fate they created for themselves. I merely endured their self-destruction.” He rose and paced in front of Jonas. “Tobia faces the same enemy we all face: despair.”
Coming to a halt, Ishtar pointed to fresh grave mounds. “Men died defending us. Women lost their husbands and children lost their fathers. Though slaves were freed, many have no families to return to.” He glanced at Jonas. “Homes and villages can be repaired, but lost innocence can never be found again.”
Setting her jaw in a firm line, Jonas scowled. “You think I don’t know that?” She pointed to the great lake. “I lost Tobia’s father and my eldest son in the battle with the giants. Tobia was there. He’s known both evil and courage.” She shook her head and turned away. “But this time…”
Ishtar frowned. “What about his carving?”
Jonas shrugged. “Obed gave him a new knife and a beautiful piece of wood, but Tobia hasn’t touched them.” She flung her hands in the air. “He seemed so excited when he heard that Remy was here, asked to see him and smiled when they met. But then—”
A sudden memory riveted Ishtar in place—the first time he beheld a beautiful woman. He pursed his lips. “Tobia once mentioned that Remy has a very kind sister.”
Jonas met Ishtar’s gaze. “A woman?”
“Tobia is a man.”
Swallowing, Jonas leaned on the wall and slid onto the bench. “You think—?”
A shout in the distance turned their attention.
Eoban stood between Obed and Barak, calling, “Ishtar, Jonas, come say goodbye to Luge, the man who made our success possible!”
Ishtar held Jonas’s eye a moment and tipped his head.
Sucking in a deep breath, Jonas marched forward.
~~~
Tobia stirred and rubbed his bleary eyes. His stomach rumbled, and as he scratched his head, he became aware that someone else was in the room.
Ishtar sat in the doorway, carving a piece of wood. His piece of wood. Tobia sat up and frowned. “Obed gave that to me.”
Nodding, Ishtar’s gaze fixed on a long wood shaving that curled around the knife. “Jonas told me.”
Tobia bit his bottom lip. He glanced at the dish of bread. “I’m hungry.” He licked his lips. “And thirsty.”
With a shrug, Ishtar continued his work. “There’s wine in the jug and bread on the table.”
Mild complaints issued from his joints as he stood, but Tobia ignored them and hobbled to the food. He swiped the jug from the shelf, pulled out the stopper, and took a long swig. He eyed Ishtar. “What’re you making?”
“A boy.”
After smacking the jug on the table, Tobia ripped off a broken piece of flatbread and took a bite. He talked around a chew and stepped closer. “Why?”
“I am going to replace the son that Matalah lost.”
Tobia stared at Ishtar’s bowed head of shining black hair and snorted. “Matalah won’t laugh at your joke.”
Ishtar glanced up, his eyes wide with wonder. “I’m not joking.”
Tobia scowled and bit off another piece.
“I only want to heal a terrible injury. Is that wrong?”
Dropping the bread, Tobia slapped the wood out of Ishtar’s hand. “You can no more make a man than I can.”
“I made my sons.”
“Not from wood! And you didn’t make them. Your wife conceived them by the will of God.”
Picking up the wood with a disinterested shrug, Ishtar appeared to inspect it for flaws. “After I make Matalah a son, I’m going to make a new Vitus.”
Hot fury flushed Tobia’s face. “Damn you!”
After laying the wood and the knife aside in slow, precise motions, Ishtar stepped into the evening air.
As if pulled by a cord, Tobia followed. His breath jerked at the coolness, and he flushed with hot shame. “I—I didn’t mean that.” He stopped on the threshold. “You don’t understand. Nothing is funny to me. Everything hurts too much.” He closed his eyes. “I’ll never laugh again.”
A hand pressed on his shoulder, and Tobia opened his eyes.
Ishtar met Tobia’s gaze. “You’ll never love again?”
Shoving off the frame, Tobia hobbled across the compound toward the grave mounds by the rolling river.
Ishtar followed at an even pace.
When Tobia halted, a shiver spread over his body. “I’ve died inside. I’m old. Too old. I can’t marry and have children…because I already know how it’ll end. Some invaders will come. I’ll do battle and die. My sons will die. My wife and daughters will become enslaved or die of sickness or starvation—”
Ishtar clapped his hands together and gasped. “Tobia! Stop. You’ll depress the fish in the river, and I’ll want to kill myself before nightfall.” A grin played on his face.
Burning in rage, Tobia flung himself on Ishtar and beat his chest. “It’s not funny! Damn you—I mean it now. How can you joke?”
Ishtar grappled with Tobia. Clutching his arms to his chest and shoving Tobia’s back against a tree, he stilled his raging fury. “I’m not laughing at you, Tobia. Only at the horror that you must leave behind.”
Tobia writhed, attempting to free himself. “It won’t leave!”
“It will—if you let it go.” Ishtar held Tobia’s gaze and tightened his grip.
Gulping air, Tobia calmed into a shaky acceptance. “Let me go.”
“Stop fighting your pain. It’s making you mad. You think you’re doomed because pain blinds you to any other possibility.”
“What other possibility is there?”
“Evil is only one option, Tobia.” Ishtar let go and turned away. “I know what you fear, for I’ve feared it too. Even when I turned from Neb’s evil ways, I could not really succeed because I never accepted the truth.”
Rubbing his arms, Tobia spat his words. “What truth?”
“That there’s more to life than this world and the evil we must endure here. I’ve passed through madness into a new hope. Life does not end there.” He pointed to the grave mounds. “Aram does not live in the dirt. There are more worlds than the ones we see.”
Burning indignation rose from Tobia’s middle. “I never deserved to suffer like I did.”
“And I never deserved forgiveness.”
Tobia’s rage tripped and fell, but questions still pounded his mind. He looked Ishtar in the eye. “And Vitus?”
“How do we know what he deserved?”
Tobia dropped his head onto his chest with a sigh.
“The beginning of wisdom is to realize—God exists—but you are not Him.”
Ishtar stepped over to the doorway and picked up the piece of wood and the carving knife. He held them out.
With the last flicker of his anger dying like a flame in summer rain, Tobia accepted them.
“Darkness is part of this life, but so is light.” ~
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